Fulldeckisms, Part 3

Been a while since I posted anything here. 



As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.



As bent as a corkscrew.

As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.

As focused as a fart.

As happy as if he had brains.

As happy as the village idiot.

As much use as a back pocket in a vest.  (Very English.)

As much use as a lead parachute.

As quick as a corpse.

As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head /wet sponge / bowl of Jello /

   mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.

As sharp as a sack full of wet mice.  -- Foghorn Leghorn

As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.

As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script.

As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.

As thick as champ.  (Irish; champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.)

As thick as two short planks / two half bricks.

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

Attic's a little dusty.

Back burners not fully operating.

Bad spot on the disk.

Baler done run out of twine.

Bandwidth limited.

Barney's his hero.

Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.

Bats in the belfry.

Batteries not included.

Been napping in front of the ion shield again.

Been playing with his wand too much.

Been playing with the pharmacy section again.

Been short on oxygen one time too many.

Been using her head as a mass driver.

Blew the hatch before the lock sealed.

Blocked one too many hockey pucks / soccer balls / punches with his head.

Blown/leaking head gasket.

Born a day late and like that ever since.

Born during low tide in the gene pool / swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

Born ugly and built to last.

Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat.

Brain is running on empty.

Brain like a hard drive with no read/write head.

Brain permanently in power saving / 8-bit mode.

Brain transplant donor.

Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint.

Bright as Alaska in December.

Bright as an acetylene torch -- without an oxygen supply.

Brings binoculars to submarine races.

Broadcasts static.

Bubbles/leaks in her think tank.

Built a special showcase for his herd of pet rocks.

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.