Fulldeckisms, Part 4

Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.
Cackles a lot, but I ain't seen no eggs yet.
Calling her stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Calling him a pea brain would be an undeserved compliment.
Calls people to ask them their phone number.
Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
Can discern facts and form predictions with the acumen of an economist.
Can easily be confused with facts.
Can only remember her old passwords.
Can only shoot pool with a left-handed cue stick.
Can't count his fingers and get the same answer twice.
Can't find log base two of 65536 without a calculator.
Can't program his way out of a for-loop.
Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat.
Carrier wave unmodulated.
Carries a tire gauge in her purse.
Cart can't hold all the groceries.
Cauliflower for brains.
Charming as a carbuncle.
Cheats when filling out opinion polls.
Cheezwiz for brains.
Chimney's clogged.
Clock doesn't have all its numbers.
Colder than a well-digger's ass in the Klondike.
Communications with him is limited to ping.
Confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Consumes hard drugs as vitamins.
Contributes to collections like this one without searching first
to see if their little gem is already listed.
Contributes to the population problem.
Could be considered a plant if he developed photrophic motility.
Could only be loved/missed if the minister read someone else's eulogy.
Couldn't balance a checkbook if Einstein helped.
Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him.
Couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel.
Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he were standing inside.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Couldn't think/pee his way out of a paper bag.
CPU is always in powersave mode.
CPU not connected to the bus.
Cranial cavity filled with neutronic matter. (Really dense.)
Cranio-rectally inverted.
Cunning as a dodo bird.
Cursor's flashing but there's no response.
Dealing with him is less fun than going to the dentist.
Deep as her dimples / reflection in a mirror.
Defective hard drive / boot sector.
Dense as a London fog.
Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
Differently clued. -- Dave Clark
Dock doesn't quite reach the water.
Does aerobics... in his head.
Doesn't adjust for leap years.
Doesn't consider his drive a slice unless it lands two fairways over.
Doesn't have a fart's prayer in a hurricane.
Doesn't have a round in every chamber.
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash / cups in the cupboard / groceries in the same bag.
Doesn't have all the dots on his dice / pens in her plotter.
Doesn't have both oars in the water
Doesn't have elastic in both of his socks.
Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.
Doesn't have the brain power to toast a crouton.
Doesn't have the sense God gave an animal cracker.
Doesn't have two neurons to rub together.
Doesn't just know nothing; doesn't even suspect much.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his balls.
Doesn't know which side the toast is buttered on.
Doesn't put the cross-hairs on the target.
Doesn't quite sample at the Nyquist rate.
Doesn't suffer from ear pressure when flying at altitude.
Donated her body to scientists... Before she was done using it.
Downhill skiing in Iowa.
Driveway doesn't quite reach the garage.
Driving at night with the lights off.
Driving with two wheels in the sand.
Dropped his second stage too soon.
Dumb as asphalt / dirt / a mud fence / a stump / a sack of hammers.
Dumber than a chicken / box of hair/rocks.
During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.

Fulldeckisms, Part 3

Been a while since I posted anything here. 



As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.



As bent as a corkscrew.

As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.

As focused as a fart.

As happy as if he had brains.

As happy as the village idiot.

As much use as a back pocket in a vest.  (Very English.)

As much use as a lead parachute.

As quick as a corpse.

As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head /wet sponge / bowl of Jello /

   mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.

As sharp as a sack full of wet mice.  -- Foghorn Leghorn

As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.

As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script.

As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.

As thick as champ.  (Irish; champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.)

As thick as two short planks / two half bricks.

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

Attic's a little dusty.

Back burners not fully operating.

Bad spot on the disk.

Baler done run out of twine.

Bandwidth limited.

Barney's his hero.

Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.

Bats in the belfry.

Batteries not included.

Been napping in front of the ion shield again.

Been playing with his wand too much.

Been playing with the pharmacy section again.

Been short on oxygen one time too many.

Been using her head as a mass driver.

Blew the hatch before the lock sealed.

Blocked one too many hockey pucks / soccer balls / punches with his head.

Blown/leaking head gasket.

Born a day late and like that ever since.

Born during low tide in the gene pool / swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

Born ugly and built to last.

Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat.

Brain is running on empty.

Brain like a hard drive with no read/write head.

Brain permanently in power saving / 8-bit mode.

Brain transplant donor.

Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint.

Bright as Alaska in December.

Bright as an acetylene torch -- without an oxygen supply.

Brings binoculars to submarine races.

Broadcasts static.

Bubbles/leaks in her think tank.

Built a special showcase for his herd of pet rocks.

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.